FearLessFlorida -- Political Humor? You decide!

THE HUNT FOR PINK OCTOBER

2006-10-21T18:12:00.000-04:00

This just in, there appears to be a pitchfork-bearing angry mob on a rampage in Washington D.C., chasing down monsters by torchiere light.

These village people, their identities obscured behind Dior sunglasses, sporting square toed dress shoes and designer slacks are intent on routing out all of the offending Turncoat Gays who hide in the underbelly of the Republican beasts. Relying on their razor-sharp Gaydars, they scour for the Uncle Tommies who are blandly dressed conservative Washington insiders by day and leather wearing Mr. Slaves by night.

The cause of the sudden melee is unclear although it seems to be somehow linked to the discovery of a monster, Follius Pedophilious, in the same city weeks before. It is apparently the mob's hope that general disgust for this animals' stalking of our young Princes of Politics will quickly translate into disgust for gayness so that they can root out the bad gays with everybody's support. NO WAIT, that CAN'T be it. The monster has nothing to do with being gay, at least that's what most everybody believes out loud.

So they must be on a hunt to root out the traitors, the Vichy Gays who are, work for, or at least definitely don't denounce those politicians who peddle hate of themselves. Reports vary on what they do once they catch the homocrites, some saying they immediately proceed to a high tech lynching,without evidence and trial, while others insist they are doing no more than painting a tasteful pink "gay" on their window to identify their true nature.

Perhaps it is, on the other hand, a venting by the crowd. Swift and sure retribution against their own kind who have turned away from their conflicted selves and instead of embracing their high score on the Kinsey Scale (presumably anybody scoring a 4 or higher is fair game)* they have joined the side of the bigots in the struggle for human dignity. A digital tar and feathering on the bloggishpere, if you will.

Has the mob finally had all they can take from these homocrites? Is it a carefully planned and shrewd political move the make sure that there will be no more wandering out of Chosen activist camp for gays? One thing is for sure, these targets of the mob are "fair game" because you can't screw the gays by day at work and then screw a gay at night without risking being exposed (speaking of exposure, did you hear the one about Larry Craig?).

Among the shrill squeals of joy emitted from the crowd each time a new homocrite is found, we were able to find their self-proclaimed leader, a man identified "Michael." Too busy to explain himself, we were unable to ask if he was aware of the much larger crowd, those who are not closeted gays but closeted homophobes, beginning to mill about...

*

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/ak-hhscale.html

EVICTION LETTER

2006-10-20T11:06:00.000-04:00

Tony Snow indicated the other day that the Bush Administration is not exactly pleased with the way Nuri al-Maliki has been handling things over there in Iraq. Talk of giving him 60 days to fix things preceded news that al-Maliki just released two leaders in the Madhi Army militia believed to be behind Shiite death squads.

A crumpled up piece of paper was found blowing around Washington the other day and appears to be a draft of some kind of eviction notice:

To: The Honorable Nuri Kamal al-Maliki, Prime Minister

This letter is to give you written notice that are delinquent in your duties, past due since your election eleven months ago, of bringing peace and unity to the Country of Iraq. This should be considered official notice that you have 60 days to rectify this breach of responsibility or suffer the consequences (which I need not explicitly state here).

Mr. al-Maliki, you must understand that you were elected by a democratic process that is "on the march." You have to be an exceptional leader because the people chose you with the blue ink on their finger. Look at Mr. Karzi, in Afghanistan. No problems, does what he's told to do by the people who put him in office (if you get my drift).

Now here we are, just weeks before what could be disastrous Mid-term Elections in this shining star of democracy and you are not helping matters in the least. I know, I know, your undoubtedly whining how hard it is, to reign in a shiite population who has suffered years of oppression and indignities, that your people hate each other and nobody listens to you, but now is the time to get things straight. Hell, if it did not look like admitting failure right before the elections, you would already be herding goats.

My advice to you is as follows. You are to look like you are cracking down on all violence, effective immediately. You are to act busy, like there is a big plan in the works that will kick in sometime soon, say around mid November. Finally, you are not to do anything stupid, like buckle under to that crazy al-Sadir.

PLEASE GOVERN YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY.

MCCAIN IS A REPUBLICAN!

2006-10-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

Senator John McCain (Sorta R - Arizona), seems to have marched squarely into the Republican camp, despite his reputation as the darling of the non-ranting and raving population sometimes referred to as "moderates."
This sudden shift was first noted when he "compromised" (wink, wink, nod, nod) on the Detainee Bill that, goodness gracious, still gives recognition to the Geneva convention and prohibits torture provided the president gets to interpret the former and define the latter.
This tentative foray into the Rebublican jungle was quickly followed thereafter with a bolder step to the right-wing when McCain refused to endorse his long time buddy and fellow man-without-a-party, Joseph Lieberman.
And now he seems to have Jumped unabashedly into the reactionary deep-end with a full frontal verbal assault of Hillary that does no less than blame the Korean nuclear test on former President Bill Clinton!!
When asked for a comment on this apparent transformation, Karl Rove (Propagandist - Washington), the President's political Advisor, just flashed a knowing grin...

JUST IN - ITS ALL THE DEMOCRAT'S FAULT

2006-10-09T21:15:00.000-04:00

Diplomacy or molly-coddling?

Fast breaking news on certain blogs and web-sites have beaten the Main Stream Media (What is that, by the way?) to the punch on the real truth of the Korean nuclear testing debacle. It now seems upon cursory and shallow examination, that the people we should be holding accountable for Krazy Kim having nukes is those hapless Democrats.

These investigative reporters have found that the Clinton Administration not only failed to go after Bin-laden, but also threw only minimal rhetoric at the Korean Government.

Our current Administration, on the other hand, had pursued every avenue of insult and affront. After all, the "Axis of Evil" is the only term coined by Bush that anyone is likely to remember. The Democrats? Nothing, nada, not even a joke about Jong-il's hairdo. The Clinton Administration not only did not verbally assault Korea, but, as the photograph shows, partied with them like it was 1999 (was it?).

The photo of Clinton's Secretary of State Madeleine Albright with Kim Jong-Il is good evidence folks because pictures never lie...

WHAT DID RUMMY KNOW AND WHEN DID HE KNOW IT?

2006-10-09T11:02:00.000-04:00

Another call, this time in the Washington Post, for the resignation of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Again, so much confusion here...Rumsfeld seems, well, by golly, to be a tough no-nonsense kind of guy which is the kind of guy you want to fight a war. In fact, I thought he had avoided Iraq from becoming a quagmire by the sheer semantic will in his statement "I don't do quagmires." If we get one who does, we're screwed because this mess might certainly be called one by a Secretary of lesser rhetoric.

Anyway, my conservative friend, Reggie, has volunteered to respond to the calls for Rumsfeld's head and I have published that response below:

My friends, both those on the left and those on the right, I believe that before we recklessly call for the firing of a Cabinet Member, we need to take a long objective look. This war, the dangerous terrorist infested world we live in and the prospect that Condoleeza Rice might ask for a lateral transfer, all demand that we look at the facts and the evidence surrounding Donald Rumsfeld.

I began by Googling Mr. Rumsfeld to discover exactly what evidence there is that he should be terminated as Secretary of Defense. The completely undeniable fact is that there is not a single shred of evidence that Mr. Rumsfeld was told, was aware of, or could have even known a single thing about Mark Foley's sexcapades with the Congressional Pages. Ohh, I know, there are undoubtedly those out there who will maliciously imply that a Secretary of Defense who does not even know what is going on outside of the pages' dorm in Washington is not qualified to assess the situation in Iraq and the rest of the world.

But this is simply not fair. Rumsfeld cannot possibly know everything about what is going on in the Legislative Branch of government because every time he gets together with the Legislators, he is too busy having to answer pesky questions. Snide and uncivil questions I might add, about the War in Iraq, like why he doesn't listen to his generals, what is his strategy for victory and on and on.

Besides, the real issue is who was harboring this information about Foley and the pages and was the timing of this really just proof that the liberals are using the Foley scandal as a way to get rid of Rumsfeld? By revealing this story at the same time that many newspapers are trying to cover the midterm elections, aren't they in fact, just increasing the calls for Rumsfeld's head? Bear with me on this folks, it makes perfect sense. I mean think about it... We Republicans were busy obfuscating the issues about the war as our election strategy, doing a pretty fair job at it too, when along comes the Foley scandal.

Now Republicans are busy running around trying to discredit pages, blame the FBI, and imply its all the Dems' fault for this permissive society that lets things like this happen. If were are busy doing those things, we cannot also be "framing the conversation" on the situation in Iraq at the same time. So what have those sleazy Dems done? They have made us leave our flank open on the War again! We must say no to these sleazy politics!

Finally, as to the issue of what Mr. Rumsfeld knew and when he knew it, I will leave that to the Secretary to defend in his own words:

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know"*

And that is why, my friends, we must allow Mr. Rumsfeld to stay.

*http://www.stgray.com/quotes/rumsfeld.html

INVADES, SHOOTS AND LEAVES.

2006-10-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

Most days before the full Briefing of the Whitehouse Press Corp, there is an informal "gaggle" where the members of the press can discuss White House events with the Press Secretary, Tony Snow. This is a portion of a recent gaggle:

Press Member #1: Tony, can we ask you again about the President's comma comment the other day?

Tony: Again...

Press Member #1: Don't you think its important to the families of the lost servicemen and dead Iraqis that you completely clarify a comment by the President, one that this War in Iraq is merely a comma in the history for the fight for freedom since it seems to minimize their loss?

Tony: Of course I do, why would you think I don't?

Press Member 1: From the exclamation mark implied by the way you said "Again!"

Tony: I did not exclame, it was clearly a period after "Again."

Press Member #2: Sounded to me like it was a question mark after the "Again?"

Tony: Look guys, I'm not here to discuss puncuation with you, it was what it was, I am just "thrilled" to discuss the President's comma comment with you.

Press Member #3: I heard some sarcastic quotation marks in there...

Tony : Did not....

Press Member #1: Anyway, the President is getting a lot of flack over that comment from Democrats and the press. Some are now even saying it was a veiled reference that was meant only to be understood by his religious base. Was it intended in that way?

Tony: You mean the saying "Never put a period where a comma should be," which is ascribed to certain religious groups. That is just absurd to think that the President would ever speak in any language or code meant for persons of some particular religious group.

Reporter #4: So that day the President referred to the "Third Awakining," he actually had two naps?

Tony: I will have to review the transcript of that discussion and get back to you on that.

Reporter #5: In an earlier Press Conference you indicated that the President was only referring to the experience in Iraq over the preceding eight months as the period in time that was the "Comma." Would that be up to and including February 2, 2006?

Tony: What difference would it make?

Reoprter #5: Well, if I were a family member of a deceased soldier who died on that date, or a soldier wounded on that date, wouldn't I deserve to know if the sacrifice was part of the over-all text, or just mere punctuation?

Tony: Mere punctuation? This White House resents any characterization that any punctuation in this war is "mere." Believe me folks, if you had any idea of how dearly we hold any punctuation that the President uses properly when he speaks...

WHITE HOUSE UNVEILS NEW JIZZ COAT FOR FOLEYGATE INVESTIGATION

2006-10-05T22:59:00.000-04:00

Dennis: Does this suit protect against flying shit?

Prez: Teflon is in short supply these days--just keep your head down and stay away from the fan.

THE ODD COUPLES

2006-10-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

THE NINNY MEETS THE NANNY

Can you imagine? With Harris' face and Dreschler's voice, I would leave myself with two less senses.

THE REVEREND AND THE IRRELEVANT

Whose head will explode first?

PAST AND PRESENT

The walking dead and the already gone.

IN AND OUT

Still denying and can't deny

WARNING - VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

2006-10-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

Warning - The picture below is not approved for all audiences. This photograph could cause headaches, nausea and even seizures in those who are suffering from left leanings. It is not approved for persons who expect, or even believe in integrity and competence in government. Persons of such tendencies could experience twinges of anger and/or disgust. The picture has been proven safe, however, for people of conservative tendencies who may actually feel sympathy and can, in extreme cases, even result in euphoria and possible addiction.

If, however you are Matt Drudge, you could experience hallucinations and completely lose touch with reality.

Flanked by victims of left-wing conspirators, or
is it the Three Stooges?

JUST UNCOVERED

2006-10-05T16:00:00.000-04:00

A piece of paper recently recovered, from and unidentified source on the left, from the bottom of the Congressional Dumpster :

Congressional Page Program

Republican Nominees

Do's and Don'ts (continued)

DO address all Congress persons as "Madam", "Sir" or "Congressperson."
DO NOT look Congressman Foley in the eye if you are a male page.
DO wear your Page Uniform at all times in neat fashion.
DO NOT be naive - Congressman Foley is not making chit chat with you because he somehow notices that you have exceptional talent in delivering messages.
DO NOT chew Gum while working.
No matter how much he begs, DO NOT address Congressman Foley as "Congressman Hottie" or "Representative Beefcakes."
DO NOT stand around in chambers and remain clear of chamber ingress and egress.
If Representative Foley shows up at the Male Pages' Dorm in the middle of the night drunk, DO NOT, for God's sake, let him in.
DO NOT eat or drink at any time except in the Page's break room.
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, discuss Representative Foley with any of the Democratic Nominated Pages, Democratic staff, or Congresspersons.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/theblotter/2006/10/gop_staff_warne.html

IT WAS THIS BIG?

2006-10-05T15:33:00.000-04:00

How funny is it that this is the picture that everyone

is using when they want to tie Foley to the President?

The Fly on the Speaker's Wall

2006-10-04T22:53:00.000-04:00

I have a little friend, who really didn't live long enough to bother to have a name, but recounted to me the following conversation. I am not sure who he overheard, but it sounded important so I thought I would record it here. As for my source, don't bother, he will be dead of old age before anyone can ask and he wasn't very clear on how many people he saw in the room because he has very multiple vision...

BEEEP

Denny: If its more press, I'm not here.

Voice: No Sir, its Mr. R___ (inaudible)

Denny: Oh shit. You sure?

Voice: Yes sir, should I tell him--

Denny: No, no, I have to take this, even you should know that.

(deep breath)

Denny: Hello Karl, how are you?

Voice on Phone: Never mind how I'm doing, your in deep shit.

Denny: I'm fine, thank you Karl.

Voice on Phone: Listen we don't have much time, this thing is growing by the minute. You have a political career that in exactly twenty-four hours, or two news cycles, will be shit unless you listen to me very carefully.

Denny: Karl,I have done everything you suggested. I only talked to Limbaugh, Hewitt and the friendly guys, I've avoided the mainstream, I denied doing anything wrong, but it isn't helping. In fact, everythings gone to hell. Its my own people, Karl, they're worse than the Goddamn Democrats!

Voice on the Phone: Don't worry about them they just do what they are told...

Denny: Whaa--

Voice on the Phone: Listen Denny, I'm here to save the Party, I have to have a back-up plan, live with it. But thats not the point, the point is that we need to handle this and you have got to be a team player.

Denny: Fuck, Karl, thats exactly why I'm where I am now. When I called about this two years ago--

Voice on the phone: What the Hell did you think we'd do..admit to a right-wing family values Representative who is drooling on the pages? We had an Agenda to deal with, including privitizing social security and other profitable--I mean important items. He's a queer lech, but a lech whose vote we could always count on.

Denny: But my ass has been hangin' out there all this time... this thing was bound to blow up in my face.

Voice on the phone: When do you think we should have dealt with all this? In the middle of all the Katrina bullshit? You fuckers were already jumping ship on social security and I hadn't even got Frist to ram down the Flag Burning and Marriage proposals yet with the midterms looming. If you assholes don't stick to the plan this time, we're all fucked in November. The investigations of Haliburton alone will... never mind that, you have got to follow our lead.

Denny: Hey save this shit for Frist. My House hasn't seen the outside of your butt in six years.

Voice on the Phone: I'm sorry Denny, I know you've been a team player, but this is no time to jump ship because the White House is the only thing that is keeping you from holding the title of Chairman of the Comittee on the House Cafeteria Menu.

Denny: So then what is the plan?

Voice on the Phone: We're already implementing it. First we preserve the deep base by going to the Limbaughs and such and plant the idea that the pages were just faggots who not only deserved it, but enjoyed it as well. A fag is a fag, whether you are 16 or 60. Drudge will make up stuff like he always does that the angry types will gobble up like Gospel.

The less solid Republicans, on the other hand, are going to be more difficult. Our main thrust is that this disclosure was clearly politically timed and therefore the Democrats endangered our pages more because they sat on the really ugly stuff for two years until right before the election.

Denny: Do we have any evidence to support that?

Voice on the Phone: Who the fuck cares about evidence? The fact that there is only a month 'till Midterms works for us to because we will just throw everything out there and the mainstream press won't have time to even see if it can stick. We'll make them chase their tails till they have to put up their election sets.

Denny: So what do I do?

Simple, you don't respond.

Denny: Don't respond? You mean refuse to answer direct questions? Change the subject?

Voice on the Phone: (Sigh) I keep forgetting you were just a wrestling coach before this... Listen carefully Denny, you keep the lowest profile you can, you cancel all appearances involving other Republicans like we di---I mean, like they did in Virginia. Your seat is not really contested anyway, so you just keep your public campaigning to a minimum, make all appearances about denials, and we'll throw money your way to keep your numbers up until the vote. You can, no you must, keep your Speakership until after the Election.

Denny: Until after the Election? What about after that? You guys are going to stick with me right?

Voice on the Phone: Um, uh, sure Denny we will, whatever.

Denny: Your not lying to me are you Karl? I will keep my speakership after the Elections, right?

Voice on the phone: Denny, Denny, has this administration ever lied?

Hello World From Steve B. - The Two Edged Foley

2006-10-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

I thought I would start this blog by permitting two of my friends publish comments that fairly and evenly represent both parties' take on the Foley scandal. First is my staunch conservative friend, Reggie Repub who is a deeply religious and moral individual who has a sticker on the back window of his pick-up that says; Marriage = Man + Woman. The second is my friend Lenny Prog who has had so many damn bumper stickers on his car over the last 5 years that I can't read any of them except for something about a Village and an Idiot.

I personally don't know what to make of the Foley thing or its implications, but since we have only thirty days until midterms, I understand that I just got to pick a viewpoint and go with it. My friends are happy to help in this regard and I offer their blogs in hopes that we can all figure it out.

First, I offer Reggie's blog then Lenny's, which are only offered in that order because Reggie is always quicker to react with these things due to his Moral Clarity. The following views do not necessarily represent those of the blogger, but might once I make up mind.

Reggie writes:

Thank you, Mr. Foley for the wonderful opportunity you have created. Although everyone on the left is screaming "family values" at us, they miss what a terrific opportunity this represents. First, I applaud the way you did the right thing and immediately resigned even before the really yucky text messages came to light. You avoided the pathetic scene of trying to defend yourself and getting caught running from the camera like some kind of creepy pedophile. Instead, you left the press with only those proud looking head shots (which, now I think about it, always did seem kind of creepy).

Anyway, you showed that the Republicans know a wrong when they see it. You were caught, you were disgusting and you disappeared...no defenses, no lies, just poof. A democrat would have weaseled and whined and tried to hold on as long as he could, even knowing he got caught with his hand (and money) in the freezer.

But the real genius is what you have done since your disappearance. You threw the whole liberal sensibility on its head. Now here you are, not only a known gay, but one with a psychological problem! Tailor made for the Democratic hypocrisy. To really capitalize on this, they will have to come out just as homophobic as we are. That's true because had this been a 16 year old female page, Joe Heartland wouldn't be so grossed out. And, if Joe ain't gagging, the Dems aren't gaining ground. What's that? A sex-addicted alcoholic to boot? Wow, you deserve double protection under the Americans with Disability Act passed by those lefties. But wait! As if that's not enough, I just heard you had been molested by a priest...a trifecta!

Sure, they are going to try to capitalize on the fact that you were a champion of protecting our children, especially from those kinds of things you apparently did, but it will not work because we have beat them to the chorus. We will look so totally family values when we gleefully hang you with the rope you helped to make. No sentimental goodbyes, no "well he did..." crap, just a rush to the gallows (which we are best at anyway). In fact, we can go a step further and some of us demand that Hastert resign as Speaker because, lets face it, the man isn't exactly the charisma magnet we need right now anyway.

So who's going to look hypocritical in the end? You, Mr. Foley, certainly, but you are gone and we will spit on your grave. More importantly, it will be those gay-coddling Democrats who are going to have to try to ride the Anti-Gay Express into election town and undermine their own credibility on the way. Remember, it was not only our un-charismatic leader who sat on this thing, but someone else... Someone with a liberal agenda, who held back on this icky boomerang until right before the Mid-Terms. I don't know much about politics, but one thing I do know is that the American people will not tolerate hypocrites...

Lenny Writes:

Mr Foley, thank you so much! We Democrats are dancing in the street because of you! You were one of those "values," right-wing moralists that rushed to the Clinton Impeachment Party like they were handing out little boys. You rode the Values Express like it was high speed train to permanent incumbancy and almost pulled it off.

There is nothing so exquisite as outing (oops...Did I say outing?) a full fledged, flaming (again, a poor choice of words) hypocrite who not only persecutes the pedophiles, but parties with them too. We Democrats are tired of being told we don't have morals just because of the libidos of our Clintions and our Condits. Lets face it, we were screwed until now because we could never find the same traction with a complicated story about arcane Texas campaign fund-raising laws or crooked real estate deals.

This is sex, and a creepy kind of sex that will upset the heart nation (not the gay part, just the pedophile part, although 16 might be the age of consent in some Southern States--I'm not sure).

You were the former co-chair of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, protecting the kids against those like yourself. It so ironic that surely we will still be capitalizing on this after your grandchildren have passed (Oh-my bad, you don't have any children or even a wife...Do you?) Anyway, it is made all the sweeter because you are from the Land of the Butterfly Ballots--the place where we were sodomized (not that there is anything wrong with that between two consenting Congress--, err, adults) by the Republicans in the 2000 Presidential Election.

From now on, when the republicans wag that "family values" finger at us, we know that the American people will wonder if in fact the Republicans truly believe in those values or if instead, they are cynical hypocrites manipulating morals for political ends. I don't know much about politics, but one thing I do know is that the American people will not tolerate hypocrites...